My first STD was from a foam party
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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