Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
