I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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