I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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