sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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