We won't sleep together?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
