whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
