Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
