my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize