I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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