i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
