I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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