Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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