Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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