So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we should paint friendship bongs
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