Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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