When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
