Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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