You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A bitchslap is in order.
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