I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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