I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
