Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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