her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
