cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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