You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
