I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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