I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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