You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
