Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
