We're facebook friends in real life
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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