This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
