It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
