so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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