Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why do cheetos always look like penises
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
