I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
