you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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