is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
