the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
