Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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