You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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