I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
