sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
