theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
