he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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