I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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