i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
