1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
