Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My feet surprised me
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