i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
