Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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