I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
