If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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