You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
