afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
