Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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