i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is her dick bigger than yours?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
