Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
