dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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