I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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