can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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