filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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