there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
