Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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