I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
